WUTHERING HEIGHTS RETURNS | Vijay nair

 

Once again, after so many years, I still remember him: Heathcliff, my infamous hero! I would not have forgotten him easily. He is In fact my own reflection, my own soul. I am literally an orphan just like him. That is why I love him so much. Is it an unforgivable crime a man to be an orphan? Is it our mistake be born as an orphan?  Don’t we have a right to be loved? Don’t we have the freedom to express our feelings and emotions? Dear readers, all of you know why and when Heathcliff began to think about revenge, don’t you?

Look at me. I am crying..... My eyes are squirting pools of blood! I know you people don’t believe me. You think that because I am a story writer I can even imagine that I am the King of Utopia!  But the truth is different. Look at all the salty tears containing red corpuscles, pouring over and over again on my shirt incessantly. Now I am wearing a red shirt! Earlier it was pure white.

If you don’t get scared, I would like to disclose a secret. Won’t you? Ok. I trust you all.

Listen. I am one among many dead souls ascending towards the Judgement Seat and the Gate of Heaven. I died just last night in my tiny rented hotel room after leading a pathetic, humiliating life which threatened me for a long time! I am kind enough, upright and religious. So I am not doubtful of the result in the Judgement. God is not a jealous God. He will not deny me salvation. So, before entering Heaven I want to tell you my tragic love story. 

I am not sure I can finish it completely. If I can’t, you just imagine the rest of the tail! What did I say?  tail? See, this is my problem. I can’t recognize the difference between tail and tale! Because I am a lunatic. It is her version after she gnawed away at my meagre savings.  

Yes.. yes,  I just remember one incident. But you don’t ridicule me after I narrate it. Agreed?!  Oh.., you have already started teasing me. It is not fair! 

Please... please...please... don’t  make fun of me. listen to me. 

listen to me first. 

Sorry, I forgot to tell you one thing, Did I tell you my additional post graduate degree was in Applied psychology at the Annamalai University in Chidambaram?  No. I didn’t.

One day when I was attending my class she called me with some sense of urgency. 

As lovers we had regularly called each other over the phone since we met and started our love. But this call was not like that of our previous ones. (She now regularly calls Dr Faustus, her new prey. She even has her own official pimp to connect with him nowadays.)

You know, she at once seduced me with her sad stories when I first met her on Face Book. So whenever her call came I was thrown into a state of sedation. Who could ignore a woman’s sensual figure and honey-worded chat; leave alone a chronic bachelor that I was? 

At that time she was infamous for enticing men at will for money. Once she had agreed to meet a Dentist in Cochin for enjoying his company, But That doctor’s wife succeeded in catching her red handed and shot at her. She had already cheated two guys through a porn site as she offered them escort service and declared that she had high-class ladies they could sleep with. She did all this behind the mask of a writer! I ignored all of it, because of my deep love. Yet again I supported her for avoiding online whoring. She tried to seduce many men, but no one fell into her trap. I never blamed her; on the other hand, tried to correct her all along. But I was helpless.

Oh, Sorry.  Again I divert from my narration. Where were we? 

Yes, She called me when I was in class in the temple town of Chidambaram, the temple of the Lord of destruction! In front of him, I had prayed for her. for her family and for her writing career. 

Lord Siva, who blessed her with a wealthy young man, destroyed me after my prayer !!! What a God he is?! My money and my prayer. Blessings went to her. Gods also chasing female arse! Who said that man is a sitting duck?! Perhaps I myself said so. Anyway, its true. In front of a woman man is a sitting duck!

Can you imagine why she had called me? 

I know some of you imagine crazy things like.... about her menstrual bleeding or gas trouble. Don’t do it. Don’t ever do it. 

For me she is a Goddess! 

So there is no menstrual bleeding or fart. No stone has any such feelings or emotions like what we human experience.

 

Let us come to the point. She called me not for sharing her love but rather for requesting  financial support from me. At that time I didn’t have enough money for my own survival. But she is my Goddess of love. I could not ignore her; hence I sold my gold ring for a low price. Then I walked here and there for five kms to locate her bank branch to deposit the money. 

Dear readers, I have another request. Until and unless you can trust your eyes, don’t trust your slippers. You know, what my slippers did? They too betrayed me? I agree my slippers had been with me for long, yet without any sympathy they too let me down just like my  Goddess. 

It tore, the stitches had given way! 

Suddenly I thought it was God’s plan. He was testifying my true love.

I was in a dilemma! 

Whether to buy a new pair of slippers or to walk with the old torn one? 

If I bought a new one how would I be able to send her the money?

Confusion.... confusion... 

I could not see my lady Goddess anywhere around me to suggest I buy new slippers instead of sending her the money! 

This is what we call blind love. 

I was blinded by a fake Goddess!!!

Finally, I decided to walk with that old one. 

“Dear God, you can’t defeat me since my love is true. 

So it is not your cup of tea. Mind your own business and get lost, move out of my way!” I whispered without hesitation.

I had been walking again like a lame man without a lament, because I have a Goddess to bless me with love. I was proud of a lame leg!

She might have been laughing at me from heaven when I was walking as a lame!

If you saw me at that moment definitely you would have been in a state of confusion about which leg was truly lame!

I did not feel embarrassed when I walked like a lame guy! 

But.....when she betrayed me.... I was broken into pieces.

See again tears... 

Once she wrote....”rains and memories, both shower on us and make us wet. The only difference, our body gets drenched by the downpours while memories wet our eyes as our mind recalls them”. 

Yes. She was right. My memories not only wet my eyes but it blurred my whole vision.

Dear readers do you know one truth? How can you? 

It was my observation. 

Man is physically strong but mentally weak. That’s why I am melancholic about my lost love.

She once told me that her old lover had betrayed her with someone else after he stole her gold necklace! In the same way, she betrayed me for a wealthy bald man, a weak publisher. She herself addressed him as Dr. Faustus who was struggling to write poems. 

She denied many times the truth that her affection for him. But there are unethical pieces of evidence of her desires she expressed through words and images. With my money, she met him privately then posted a poem about her wish to sleep with him. 

My beloved readers do remember; don’t study psychology under any circumstance. I am telling from my own experience. My M.sc in Psychology helped me become a lunatic!!! 

ha.ha.ha... such a fool I was!? 

I believed her blindly and spent my small savings on her love.  

What did I say? small savings? I am a liar.

Do you think that an orphan has his own savings?  See, my savings are my blind love. It was stolen from me. Now I am a big zero. But mathematicians say zero has its own value, that Whenever you add zero your value increases. So don’t ignore a zero but beware it!!!

Betrayal is nobody’s birth right.  Am I true? Catherine betrayed Heathcliff for Edgar. Then what could Heathcliff have done? What I could have done? We also have our own right since we want to be loved. Is that a crime? If it is a crime then i am ready to accept any punishment even though it will be a death sentence. I will accept it with a smile.  

Just imagine a tragic hero approaching death with proud!

My walking towards death is not at all my death. But it is the death of truth. It is the death of beauty. It is the death of soul. It is the immortal death!!!